The Evil Boss and His Evil Minion

The Real Story of the Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games

— Hullo, evil boss. You look bad. What's up?

— What's up, you say? Evil minion, didn't you see all the hell that’s happening?

— Ah, boss. Isn't everything going according to our evil plan?

— Naah... The assassination. It failed.

— Against the orange man? Yeah, I saw that.

— He survived, and now he looks like a hero.

— Does it matter, evil boss? We can manipulate the search engines to make the story disappear. We are already doing that.

— Yeah, maybe. Still, I see that people are angry. I wouldn't want them to suspect something... you know...

— They are too dumb to know about us, evil boss. Don't worry.

— It is not that I am worried. It is just that I think we should do something more than make the story vanish from the search engines.

— We are already doing that. It was planned in advance.

— Really? You are a smart evil minion. What did you come up with?

— Thanks, evil boss. You see, I had in mind that we had to do something. The dumb guy we gave that rifle to. Imagine he had killed the orange man.

— I can imagine that. It would have been a mess.

— So, we were preparing something for the Olympic Games.

— The Olympic Games? Would they make them forget about the assassination?

— No… the games are a good distraction. But they are boring. So, we thought of something that would distract them a lot more.

— Something like what?

— Oh… we had this a bright idea. A blasphemous ceremony for the presentation day. Something truly outrageous. You know, like offending religion, mocking Jesus Christ, celebrating pedophilia, all that.

— But what would we accomplish with that?

— Ah, evil boss, don't disappoint me. You know that propaganda is all about the art of distraction. And the best way to distract them is to make them angry at something. Blasphemy will make them angry and distract them for several days. They'll forget everything about the orange man and the assassination attempt.

— Hmmm... but is it working, evil minion?

— Wonderfully, Evil boss. I was surprised myself at how easily they fell into the trap. Sometimes, I think they couldn’t get dumber than they already are, but no! They can. You can’t believe how much time they spent discussing this story! The beauty of it was that those who think of themselves as the smartest of the lot are those who were the easiest to dupe. And it was so easy to do: just a few clowns dressed funny. The orange man a hero? Forgotten.

— Excellent, evil minion, excellent. Will the effect last for a long time?

— We will be reinforcing it by having a woman boxer fight with a man who identifies as a woman!

— Are you telling me that they will fall for that, too?

— Trust me, evil boss. You can’t believe how dumb they are!

— You are a genius, evil minion! So, let’s go ahead with our evil plans.

— We go ahead with the plans, evil boss!